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Do-It-Yourself Pornography!
 

Sometime last year, me and some friends were just chilling out at my place and feeling vaguely bored. That day might have gone unnoticed and unrecorded in the annals of history, save for one happy chance: we had borrowed a friend's webcam. It was really bad quality, but it was the only one we'd ever used.

Having heard of webcams being used to chat with other people around the world, and so we logged on to an Internet chatroom with the pure intention of broadcasting our smiling, law-abiding faces halfway around the world. And maybe pretending to be Scotty... "The engines are ready to burrst... I joos can't give ye any more powerr, Captain!" But fate had different plans for us that night. We quickly realised that all the attention in the chatroom was focused on the women who might be "showing".

Everything up to this point I remember.... my friends and I still shared some degree of sanity and sobriety. But what happened next; how incidents progressed; I have no idea. Something in our heads went completely insane.

Somehow I hit upon the idea that the fingers on one's hands, if positioned correctly, would combine with the shitty graininess of the webcam to create an extremely bad impression of a naked woman. Funny for the first five seconds, but no one could be stupid enough to actually fall for it, could they? They could.

Those are my index and middle fingers, held extremely close to the webcam. As you can see, we used a black marker for added effect. Satisfied with this effect, we now decided to get more creative. You know, move the fingers around a bit. The results were astounding.

At this point, people began requesting us if they could "view", so we decided to confuse the shit out of them. This is what they saw.

As you can see, we'd taken a few more liberties with the marker. You're looking at my friend Corny's knuckles. As word got around the chatroom, we were bombarded by PMs and requests to view. This called for something special.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present my index and middle fingers again? They're spread much wider this time, of course. The job we did with the markers was woefully substandard, but it didn't even matter. We started getting messages like "you are so hot" and "stand up a little higher".

Well, there was no way we could do that, right? Hah. Check it out.

I think you'll recognise my index and middle fingers. Bonafide stars in their own rights, they now demand top billing and 25% of all profits. Above them are either my knuckles or Corny's knuckles, strategically marked in the right places. At this point we had about 15 people checking this shit out.

This was when things started getting really weird. Corny decided that the only way for this to be truly realistic was if he were to shave his fingers... the only reason he eventually didn't was because I refused to lend him my razor. He really didn't need to be worried... by the time we were tired of the whole thing, we had around 23 people viewing us simultaneously. Damn, I realise we're hardly ones to point fingers, but seriously... what the hell is wrong with people??

Later that night, I decided that what we had done was create a new art form. I dubbed it ambiguous misleading digital pornography or AMBIMISDIGIPORN. I have since tired of that name.

I leave you with some more random images from that night. Try and figure out what you're really looking at.

 

And here's Orko with the moral!
Orko: In today's story, you saw what happened when Vishal and his friends decided to make their own porn! Boy, was that fun! Of course, it was make-believe porno, but there's nothing make-believe about messing with people's heads! The next time you and your friends want to do something but don't know how... improvise! Well, time for me to disappear... see ya!